Date 03 - Marcus Graham
The Scene: Leaving a baby shower and waiting for the valet to retrieve my car.
The Attire: Fabulous (although it's a phone conversation) Anthropologie Fitted Peplum top with spring shorts that accentuated the occassion perfectly.
The Meeting: A conversation that would not lead us to a meeting.
The Environment: This was our second conversation after moving from match.com to live voice-to-voice interaction.
It's Sunday evening, and I am floating on electric positivity (as most days). I had just left an incredible baby shower where smiles were generous, and hugs were instant. The mother-to-be floated, the decorations were justifiably frou-frou, the food home-cooked, the people enthused, and the sun kissing all of us, making for the perfect backdrop. Festivities complete, I bounced from the clubhouse door to the door of my SUV, noticing an abundance of missed calls and numerous texts.
In the first text, I read, “Hi Cherrod, I tried you back. How’s your Sunday going?” I also noticed a missed call from the same number. It belonged to a gentleman; let’s call him Marcus. This name, according to him, embodies some of the qualities and traits of a Marcus Graham (Boomerang circa 1992), particularly being a man about his business and one who is highly sought after (ok, I can appreciate the confidence).
I called him back. During our call, I was hyped because that’s who I am and because I had just returned from a remarkable experience. He, I later realized, was in quite a different space and place. We had a spirited dialogue, interrupting one another with our various points of intellectual sparring. I am talking as the sun is grazing my face, and the wind is lifting my spirit – I love this! He is talking business and going on-and-on-and-on as I begin to get impatient. My self-talk, “Sir, turn it off. Its Sunday!” I practice patience, listening; as he makes another point and another, and then another. I don’t agree with anything he is saying, and his tone is primarily pessimistic and a woe-is-me cry, but he is feeling himself, and I allow him to continue. At some point, because it was beginning to impact me negatively, I stopped him and offered a different perspective.
Unsure if he is used to women asserting themselves and offering a dissenting opinion, my intuition perks. He counters, "You have a sharp mouth. If I am honest, if you were like that all the time, it would get on my nerves, but if this is sometimes and in context, that would be ok, but we shall see."
First thought, “WTF?!?”
In my mind, I see fire-torching, eye-rolling, chair-throwing, and an unabashed encounter with a judgmental and chauvinistic man. It is just a playback, not reality, or something I would even do. But here's what I did do: in that moment, I think my go-to thought – “when a man shows you who they are the first time, believe them.”
This man, I believed.
I did not know this man. This was our second conversation in life, and he had this level of audacity. What would a relationship look like six months or six years from now?
I love myself more than the possibility of him, so I do nothing with my internal emotions and say nothing as I don’t want to come off as an angry or aggressive person. I seethe in silence as he rambles. To be honest, right now, I am not listening at all as my thoughts are consuming my mind.
When I hear him pause, I say, “I did not like what you said at all. It was hurtful and unnecessary. We are all dynamic people, and there are many sides to me just like everyone else, and that statement felt extremely judgmental. I may notice things you do and say that may get on my nerves, but I'll wait to see if you confirm those or not, always providing those I encounter with a spirit of optimism.”
I was floored at how he came at me, especially not knowing me (at all).
He then begins to state all his “Marcus Graham” assets:
“I am a good-looking guy, an executive transitioning from an employee to an employer. I am working on retiring in two years. I am a great catch; I have my choice of women, and I am …”
I cut him off, “Then why are you on Match?”
He responds, “I am searching for the one. The one who will make my toes curl, the one who will make me run out on the rooftop and shout. Let’s be clear; my ex-wife was gorgeous, men lusted after her, and I divorced her. Let’s be clear; I divorced her!”
At that point, I was done. I thought, “This joker cannot be serious. He can’t! I was shocked, and I guess my silenced balanced him out.”
He softened, “Cherrod, I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I think that we were in two different places. I was in business mode because I am trying to make moves, and you were in more of a playful, jovial mode. What do you like to do for fun? What would you like to do on our date?”
I wanted to back out right then. I really did, but I did not have the energy as I had allowed him to drain me completely. I was peeved, and the last person I wanted to talk to was Marcus. I could not wait to end this call.
He tried to lighten the mood by saying, “How about I call you later in the week?” A weak “Ok, bye!” was my answer. The call was officially over, and so was Marcus.
I immediately called a close male friend and shared what I deemed the unbelievability of the male bravado. To me, this was a phone date gone to hell.
Note to Self: This is your boomerang moment – choose you first!
Shout Out to Men: “Sit down. Be humble.”
Question: Why dim your light?
