Date 02 - Sticky Fingers
The Scene: A parking lot which sits on the corner of two major streets in Atlanta, Georgia.
The Attire: Black wide-leg pants, a fitted white jacket with a slight peplum, a skinny black belt, and black stilettos.
The Meeting: Grabbing food from a street vendor.
The Environment: Hot, sweaty, Atlanta heat in the most unexpected month of the year.
Yes, I know it is only date number two (by the blog, but in reality, it feels more like a double-digit date). One thing is for sure; dating is not for the faint at heart. It takes a tremendous amount of self-talk for me to open myself to the majority of men I encounter, as there are several if I am honest that I would simply pass on.
Being an overachiever and a highly contextual person, I began to tackle this experience as I would work. When consulting a client and there is a need to influence mindset, I focus on moving them from a quick “no” to a slow “yes” – so, why can’t I do the same thing?
I can.
To practice this Jedi mind trick, it requires (for me) a significant amount of self-talk, self-encouragement, an internal pep rally of sorts (imagine the opening scene from “Bring it On!”). I took that philosophy like it was a dose of medicine; what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Right?
Driving to my afternoon meeting, I was hungry and a bit discombobulated from my previous engagement. Sharing with my Mom all that had happed via telephone, I was all in on my story. The red light forced a stop, and the smell of in-the-minute barbeque halted my movement. I put Mom on hold and yelled to the chef, “What you got cooking?” Yes, just like that. He responds with a wide smile and begins to list his offerings, “We got turkey legs, ribs, beef burgers, polish sausage, chicken quarters...” I cut him off and yelled, “Sir, STOP, I will be right over!”
I redirected from the straight lane to make an immediate left into the parking lot, which became a make-shift kitchen. Anxious to eat, I introduced myself to the proprietor of the small business and began to create my own sampler platter based on what I eyed (that is dangerous to the waistline). Laser-focused on food, I can feel this gentleman’s presence upon me. He was attacking his meal but wanted to introduce himself. I will call him “Sticky Fingers.” Following some conversation, he asked me to go out with him.
As a classic over-thinker, my self-talk sounded like, “CP, what could it hurt? Ok. So, he doesn’t have the best job in the world? Ok. He is not horrible looking? Ok. So, he wears a uniform that you don’t recognize? Just go for it! Say yes. Cherrod, you can do it! Shake your head up and down and sound out the words y-e-s. Try to sound excited when you do this.”
I took a deep breath.
Inhaled a halo of barbeque smoke that filled the air, and thought to myself, "CP, what’s the worst that could happen? Open your mouth to say yes now, do it aloud.” As if my mind short-circuited, my mouth finally uttered, "Yes, sure, sticky fingers, let’s go out!”
He was quite persistent during our initial encounter. However, once I mustered up the yes, it was he who became perplexed about the next steps. One hand was holding his plate, and the other hand was covered in BBQ sauce. He held a piece of meat in his BBQed hand, which did not allow room for him to shake my hand or get my number. At this moment, I second-guessed my decision but proceeded to type his telephone number into my phone. As he was sharing the number, I began to question if I would actually call.
In the parking lot, we decided to have an impromptu date. I began to eat my food, and he continued to devour his, so technically, wasn’t that an accidental date?
We chatted for about 45 minutes.
In this time, I was able to gauge:
his inability to articulate himself
his lack of drive or desire (more pessimistic than optimistic)
his limited mindset
his narrow worldview
I know enough about myself to understand that these would serve as a relational gap and, therefore, diminish my level of attraction to or for him. In the end, I did not call as it was obvious; the two of us were not equally yoked!
Note to Self: I knew I had to put myself out there for 42 dates but D-A-M-N!
Shout Out to Men: If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready!
Question: Why is anticipation so intense?