Date 07 - The Chef
The Scene: Work Cafeteria.
The Attire: Navy high waisted pants with yellow block panes, a bright yellow sweater, and navy peek-a-boo stilettos.
The Meeting: Going down the stairwell.
The Environment: Running from one building to another building on our corporate campus to conduct back-to-back-to-back meetings.
Our Story: I felt eyes on me as I rushed down the stairs praying, “Please, God, don’t let me trip,” all the while attempting to demonstrate the openness of my spirit. I make it to the bottom; he walked past me and whispers, “You are gorgeous.”
I politely returned his smile and we exchanged introductions. Let’s call him the chef as he serves as an Executive Chef in our attached eatery. He seemed so genuine and sweet. I sized him up in a matter of seconds and did notice a tattoo grazing his ear ever so discreetly. I placed my judgment in check (as I don’t love tattoos but to each their own) and continued to engage. Another compliment was on the tip of his tongue when a voice boomed, “CP! Hey Girl!!” She was not privy to the undercover flirting that was transpiring before her. She runs up to me, saying hello with a massive hug and starts talking – full fledge conversation. I stop her and introduce her to him, trying to balance (as I am a Libra) the flirting and the connection (of a work friend I haven’t seen in way too long).
It ended somewhat like this, “Lovely, I will call you as soon as I finish the last three meetings on the schedule today.” The chef looked at me and asked, “Can we exchange numbers?” “Let me take yours, and I will text you,” I countered. He gave me his telephone number, and I fast-paced to my awaiting lunch appointment.
Later that afternoon, I texted him, and here is our conversation as it happened:
Over the next several days, we chatted 20 minutes here and texted a few times there. We set up a time to meet for an early dinner in the middle of the week (a rarity for me since I travel for work). We went back and forth but decided he should get back to me the following morning to let me know the location of our dinner. On the day of our dinner date, this is how the text communication went:
It was at this moment that I realized I did not owe this man an explanation because I did not know him at all. So, I didn’t respond. Note that he did not bring up the restaurant in this text. Did I miss something?
I called him once I was free at 4:00 pm. When I did, I could feel an edge starting to rise but shook it off. Self-talk: “You don’t know him, don’t tell yourself any stories from words he has not used.” Whenever we talked, he would say a few things that I overlooked but became internal data points:
“If you would have called, we could have had dinner tonight.”
“Let’s be clear …” – I tuned out the rest.
“Were you looking forward to seeing me for dinner?”
That last one is what placed heat in the conversation, which led me to withdraw my candidacy from this dating situation. My reply, “What do you think? I would not have multiple conversations with you and text you consistently if I was not interested.” That obviously opened a Pandora’s Box for him because the conversation went quickly to hell in a handbasket.
He began to raise his voice, effectively chastising me, “People go on dates for all kinds of reasons Cherrod, you could be after a meal, trying to practice something ...” I have to be truthful; I mentally cut him off because as his voice raised, so did my heartbeat. I don’t like arguing, and I do not particularly appreciate being talked to in a way that I deem disrespectful.
Once he finished, I said, “It looks like I have unintentionally angered you, and I apologize. It’s not that serious, and of course, I was looking forward to the time.” He tried to recover the conversation, but I was done. It’s too much heat, too early, and I don’t know him at all. It was a lot of misplaced masculine muscle. On my part, I kept thinking, “Why are you fishing for compliments and looking for me to edify you?” After our first date, perhaps that’s warranted, but it has been three 20-minute conversations and three email threads. Too much too soon.
At this rate, I am officially becoming a slave to this blog. I am starting to realize that if I don’t play this dating game with all its insanities and absurdities, I will not make it to 10 dates much less 42. Jesus, please take all of this wheel!
Note to Self: Be open at all times but listen to your inner voice.
Shout Out to Men: Stating your interest is an attractive trait, but be sure you truly want what you ask for.
Question: Why isn’t it more common that men approach women with a sense of intention?
